2016 Here we go…

Wow, what a start into the new year.

I am proud to say that since November 1st I am down 20lb. I managed to loose weight over the toughest part of the year. But with planning it all paid off and I am more determined than ever to keep going.

I also am toying with the idea of becoming NASM certified again as I do miss being a Trainer. I loved being a personal Trainer and helping others to achieve their goals. But first I must loose a little bit more weight and I would like to learn more from my Trainer Gabriel at Holy Fit in Austin.
He is amazing and I love his support and how he is always there for me. I do online training with him. I think he has spidey senses, cause he always knows when I need a pick me up message.

At the beginning of the year people always make resolutions, I am a bit weary about them since I never seem to be able to actually do them, so I made a list of things I would like to accomplish this year.

  • Spend more time with my kids and husband
  • Loose 80 more lb and fit into my size 10 clothes again
  • Run and finish the Texas Ren Fair Mud Run
    • I signed up for this, now I just need to train on climbing, running and crawling
  • Save enough money to go to the Supernatural Convention in Vancouver in August
I think these are all very obtainable things, I don’t want to set myself up for failure. I know I am doing the right things. I am eating cleaner and better then I ever have, I found my passion for working out again, my depression is manageable, it rears it’s ugly head every so often (like today) but the good days out weigh the bad by miles. 
I am so blessed to have such an amazing support system, my family and friends are amazing. The anger I have towards myself, for letting myself become what I had become is lessening a lot. So this year I wanna make as positive as possible. I want to love myself again no matter what size I am, you know why? I am healthy. I may not be able to run 5K (yet) but I walk it under an hour. And I probably can out last some of the snobby meat heads at the gym easily, since I do 4 rounds of 15-20 reps with my weights. 
I think I am on the right path to find true happiness this year. 
Much love and light

Day 4… ugghh, I hate depression

I got up this am, well reluctantly, which was the first time this week. I didn’t want to get up that shoudl have been a sign right there. I made breakfast and I took my daughter to school and then went to the gym. I felt great at the gym I even did more cardio then I was supposed to.

As soon as I got home, I looked at my house and I felt overwhelmed. I hate this. I made my snack ate it and then just sat there, close to crying. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up an hour later with a headache. It was lunch time and I made my lunch (thank Chuck I had prepped lunches, so I could just pop it in the microwave to heat) then went to bed and layed down.
Yup I was hit by a small depression episode. I used to take meds and was in therapy, but 3.5 years ago when I got rid of the most Toxic person in my life, suddenly I didn’t need those things. I still have bad days and today is not even a really bad day, but it’s a bad day. I am fortunate enough to regognize that it is a bad day. I wanna sit here and just cry and I don’t know even why? I hate days like today.
Depression is hard, it cuts into your life, and it makes you feel worthless. I know that I did good by going to the gym and not eating crap, but I still feel sad.

Tomorrow will be a new day and I will keep fighting, I have a wonderful husband, my kids, my family, my friends and Jared Padalecki to fight for.

Sorry for the ramblings… 🙁