Fall (ing)

Fall – Autumn

I am one of these people that love fall. I grew up in Switzerland, we had four seasons and Fall was always one of my favorites. When the leaves turn color and you get to take your favorite jacket out of the closet. Maybe even put on a knitted hat.

I fell really hard this year, not physically, but mentally. I hit a wall and did not recover until now. Oh on the outside everything was hunky dory, but on the inside, I was sad, sad for what I lost, sad the world, sad for what is going on in the US.

Change

And then about 2 weeks ago I noticed a change. I don’t know what it was, but it was there. I bought myself a Happy Planner and started to plan out my days the night before. I also noticed that I was more productive and I seemed to be happier. I fell in love with my Happy Planner, I thought that all the hype was crazy, but now that I am in a month, I love it. The planner is what I need to keep on track. Obviously not every day, there are still bad and dark days. But they are fewer.

Then a week ago, I rearranged my office/workshop and I have been so excited in the morning to go in there and get stuff done. I already have a lot of my Christmas line ready to launch soon.

And that brings us to today. I got a mini planner, that is just for me. For my Journey that I am taking. It seems that fall is a new beginning for me, that I let go of stuff that doesn’t matter. I concentrate on things that matter to me. My family, my husband, my friends.

The plan

I am nursing a knee and elbow injury, so full-blown workouts are not working for me yet. So I decided to workout three times a week. And I ordered Resistance Bands so that I can workout at home. I also can take them with me when I am traveling.

I took the mini planner and wrote out my workouts and I am already meal planning, I just have to get a lot stricter with sticking to it. Also, I use a service called Curbside which has helped with my budget and not buying bad foods.

So here is to Fall (ing)

NEVER give up

Today I wanna talk about the struggle. We all struggle some more some less. The most important thing is, we don’t give up. NEVER give up.

January 2006 I walked into Gold’s Gym and my husband paid for 24 personal Trainer sessions. I showed up that Monday and met with this very sweet young lady. Well turns out she wasn’t so sweet after all, she was a tough cookie and an awesome Trainer and with her help I was able to loose 80lb.and she alsways told me to NEVER give up. I even got certified thru NASM to become a personal trainer myself. I was hired by the same Gold’s Gym in 2007 and I loved to work there. I had some great Fitness Managers and some where not so great and that was the reason that in 2010 I quit working for the gym.
In the same time frame I also became friends with a person, that by that time, I didn’t know would be very toxic for me and my surroundings. I also started Therapy at that time and tried to work thru my depression I was diagnosed with. I was on medication and things seemed to get better. But instead I gained weight again, struggled to keep my family happy, the toxic person happy and tried to please everybody. Almost exactly 6 years after I walked into that Gym, I was at my lowest point, if it wasn’t for my husband and my two beautiful Kids I would probably no longer be here.
But then rescue arrived in the form of my sister. She always knows how to set me straight and put things in perspective. She has always been worried about that so called “Friendship” but I had blinders on and wasn’t able to see straight. Which is part of when an empath falls in the trap of a narcissistic person. So on April 25th of 2012 I freed myself forever from that person and live has been pretty good since then.
We moved to another City cause my husband got a better job. I slowly made new friends here and mended things with old friends. I also realized, if some one doesn’t like me it is not the end of the world, it’s ok. Cause I am enough, I am enough for myself, for my family and my friends. I should not have to bend over backwards and try to rearrange my life to please people. It was a hard lesson learned, but I finally heard it.
I was able to get my life back and find my identity which had been taken from me again. I also started my own business and am now a store owner, I have an amazing business partner and don’t feel at all like doing all the work anymore and not getting validated.
But in this 4 year process one thing was still left behind, my body. In August 2015 I weighed in at my highest weight ever 285lb. Yes you read that right. What made me finally get my butt back in gear? A flight to Switzerland to visit my family. It was the most uncomfortable flight I had ever done. As soon as I got back, I started to watch what I ate and slowly went back to the gym and I managed to loose 10lb. but then I met my current trainer Gabriel Lagunas from HolyFit in Austin. He offers online training and that is what i decided to do. I even went gluten free and dairy free after he recommended we try. So from November 1st until March 24th 2016 I lost 33lb. I was down to 242lb. when I went in for my Bone Spur surgery.
Fast Forward to today, I am here, finished my first full week of eating right and working out. Yes it took me this long to get back in the game and the struggle is there every day. Running a new store, juggling two kids in Junior High and HighSchool, and working out is not easy. But the results are there. I have an amazing support system of family and friends, the biggest being my husband, who joined me on this journey and is doing really well too.
I don’t think I ever will not struggle, I have been fighting my weight all my life, it is getting harder, and then put depression and anxiety with that (which I did not suffer from before the Toxic Friendship) it doesn’t make it easy. But nothing is easy in life. And I decided I want to be there for my children, I want to grow old with my husband and I want to be a healthy me again.
This blog will be part of my journey over the next year as I decided to work toward a Transformation Competition, that is held next June. My goal is too look as good as possible, what ever that means weight wise. I know I have to work very hard and I will struggle. I also know to NEVER give up. Will I fall? Almost certain, will I get back up? You betcha. That is the beauty of this journey, I have learned not to beat myself up from my failures, but to learn from them. That is also the reason, even thou I didn’t eat right and didn’t workout consistently, I had only a weight gain of 5lb. from March till now. Which I consider a win.
What will the future hold? I hope to expand GeeksWhoLift into a fitness brand and the first step is in the works with T-Shirts and possibly Geeky Blender Bottles.
Other than that, who knows? But I can’t wait to go on this adventure with you.

Keep Lifting

~Claudia